#121: a journal entry

I wrote this post initially for the3six5 project’s, April 7th entry.

Kinda foofy and banal, but it was a lazy day for me anyway–and those were my actual thoughts as I was writing at the uni’s library–a short interlude before getting on with my assignments.

Click for original read: http://the3six5.posterous.com/april-7-2012-natasha-sim.
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April 7 is my mum’s birthday. I texted her early from my end of the country wishing her a happy birthday. Got a call soon after with her and dad telling me their plans for the day. There isn’t much I can do to celebrate with her, being literally across the ocean from my family.

I miss home. Mt Kinabalu is no longer within my sight.

Four years living in the ‘big city’ (Kuala Lumpur) and I still don’t think I belong here. People say it takes time to settle in, but how much time? On a day like this, when I know home is where I should be, I do feel a tad bit saddened. Maybe I moved out too young,when friends were still stuck figuring things out.

Also been thinking about the state of my country. I guess being away and especially moving out into the capital opens your eyes a little bit more. I’ve gained exposure and this is not just in terms of personal life. Malaysia’s on the verge of something…big. I don’t know if ‘revolution’ is a right word for it but there’s definitely something bubbling within a society that’s tired of the government. I’m tired.

Reading the news these days can be a drag. Just yesterday, I saw a report about a ballet troupe from overseas being banned from performing here due to “indecent costume”—their ballet tutu’s. Then there was some government body announcing that they’re banning radio/tv shows with LGBT representation. A month ago, Erykah Badu was banned from performing because of the word ‘Allah’ spray-tattooed on her body, in fear of “enraging Muslims”.

“BAN”, likely the government’s most favorite word.

I think of how stupid the government is. How stupid it is to have a constitution which gives you a higher societal status based on race and religion. I get so angry thinking about things like this. Maybe me being rage-y about the political climate is a sign of what I will become. Don’t know what I’ll do just yet but one thing’s for sure; I can’t stand the injustice. I can’t stay just angry for too long. I can’t be a kid forever.

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